Bad Food

A Doctor was addressing a large audience:

"The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago. Red meat is awful. Soft drinks corrode your stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG. High fat diets can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the long- term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water. But there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and we all have, or will, eat it. Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?"

After several seconds of quiet, a 75-year-old man in the front row raised his hand, and said, "Wedding Cake."

Funny Office Signs:

Ways to Say You're Stupid

• A few clowns short of a circus.
• A few fries short of a Happy Meal.
• An experiment in Artificial Stupidity.
• A few beers short of a six-pack.
• Dumber than a box of hair.
• A few peas short of a casserole.
• Doesn't have all her cornflakes in one box.
• The wheel's spinning, but the hamster's dead.
• One Fruit Loop shy of a full bowl.
• One taco short of a combination plate.
• A few feathers short of a whole duck.
• All foam, no beer.
• The cheese slid off her cracker.
• Body by Fisher, brains by Mattel.
• Couldn't pour water out of a boot with instructions on the heel.
• He fell out of the stupid tree and hit every branch on the way down.
• An intellect rivaled only by garden tools.
• As smart as bait.
• Chimney's clogged.
• Doesn't have all his dogs on one leash.
• Doesn't know much but leads the league in nostril hair.
• Elevator doesn't go all the way to the top floor.
• Forgot to pay her brain bill.
• Her sewing machine's out of thread.
• His antenna doesn't pick up all the channels.
• His belt doesn't go through all the loops.
• If she had another brain, it would be lonely.
• Missing a few buttons on his remote control.
• No grain in the silo.
• Proof that evolution CAN go in reverse.
• Receiver is off the hook.
• Several nuts short of a full pouch.
• Skylight leaks a little.
• Slinky's kinked.
• Surfing in Nebraska.
• Too much yardage between the goal posts.
• Not the sharpest knife in the drawer.
• The lights are on, but nobody's home.
• 24 cents short of a quarter.

Location Location Location Funny Poster

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Wharrgarbl Funny Poster

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Locked Out of Car

Two blondes lock their keys in the car. One of the blondes tries to break into the car while the other one watches.

Finally the first blonde says, "Darn, I can't get in the car!"

The other blond replies, "Keep trying. And hurry up, it looks like it's going to rain
and the top is down."

Ways to Say You're Stupid

• A few clowns short of a circus.
• A few fries short of a Happy Meal.
• An experiment in Artificial Stupidity.
• A few beers short of a six-pack.
• Dumber than a box of hair.
• A few peas short of a casserole.
• Doesn't have all her cornflakes in one box.
• The wheel's spinning, but the hamster's dead.
• One Fruit Loop shy of a full bowl.
• One taco short of a combination plate.
• A few feathers short of a whole duck.
• All foam, no beer.
• The cheese slid off her cracker.
• Body by Fisher, brains by Mattel.
• Couldn't pour water out of a boot with instructions on the heel.
• He fell out of the stupid tree and hit every branch on the way down.
• An intellect rivaled only by garden tools.
• As smart as bait.
• Chimney's clogged.
• Doesn't have all his dogs on one leash.
• Doesn't know much but leads the league in nostril hair.
• Elevator doesn't go all the way to the top floor.
• Forgot to pay her brain bill.
• Her sewing machine's out of thread.
• His antenna doesn't pick up all the channels.
• His belt doesn't go through all the loops.
• If she had another brain, it would be lonely.
• Missing a few buttons on his remote control.
• No grain in the silo.
• Proof that evolution CAN go in reverse.
• Receiver is off the hook.
• Several nuts short of a full pouch.
• Skylight leaks a little.
• Slinky's kinked.
• Surfing in Nebraska.
• Too much yardage between the goal posts.
• Not the sharpest knife in the drawer.
• The lights are on, but nobody's home.
• 24 cents short of a quarter.